


OBX: An Outer Banks Story | Season 1

by aft33



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fanfic, Fanfiction, Gay Character, Gay Drama, Gay Love, Gay Male Character, Gay Romance, LGBTQ, M/M, OBX, Outer Banks, Romance, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, gay angst, teen drama, teen fanfic, teen fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aft33/pseuds/aft33
Summary: Parker, new to The Outer Banks, brings secrets and a dark past to a town already full of them. Parker meets all of the usual characters of the Outer Banks, some of which bring their own baggage onto his.(This story includes mature themes including, but not limited to... violence, ptsd, and abuse)
Relationships: JJ Maybank/Original Male Character, Rafe Cameron/Original Male Character
Kudos: 11





	1. Episode 1

“Hey! Wake up! You’ve gotta be at work in 20!” Her shouts annoy me as they do every morning.  
“I’m awake!” I shout back, already dressed for work and sitting in my bed, staring at the small crack on the wall.  
After a minute I finally force myself to my feet and walk downstairs. I quickly try to pass the kitchen and out the side door, but Grams sees me and gives me a look.  
“Love you.” I walk over and hug her as she chops her herbs.  
“Love you too. Have a good day at work.”  
I walk out and immediately hop onto my bike. As I do the same ride I’ve been doing every day for the past two weeks, I continue watching the people of this town. There are those people who are running around like mad dogs, just trying to stay afloat. Then the people walking around like they know something no one else does. Then my favorite people of the OBX, those who own it and know it. They intrigue me more than the rest. They put their noses up at the rest of us, yet if you look close enough you realize that their lives are just as fucked up as ours.  
“Hey. New kid!” The shout distracts me as I bike up to the country club and I fall off my bike. “Damn!”  
“Fuck!” I shove the bike off my legs, noticing the scraps and blood beginning to drip.  
“Dude, you okay?” The same girl that shouted my name before runs up to me, offering a hand.  
“I’m fine.” I get up and notice her, she’s my age, shorter than me, and wearing an apron.  
“You sure? You’re bleeding.”  
“Yeah. I’ve had worse.” I pick my bike up and start walking it to the bike rack with her.  
“Sure. Okay. I’m Taylor. I work with the pastry chef.”  
“Parker. Busboy.” I lock my bike in. “Why were you yelling for me?”  
“Oh. Yeah. You’re needed to help at the bar today.”  
“Okay.”  
“It’s a busy weekend. You’ll probably be there till Monday.”  
“Okay.” We walk in together.  
“Is that the only word you know?” She steps in front of me, smiling a weird amount.  
“No.”  
“Okay.” I laugh at that and she smiles.  
“Sorry. I’m just not a morning person. Or a person person.”  
“Well, that’s fine. I’m sure I’ll be your type of person soon enough.”  
“Really? You think so?”  
“I know so.” She smiles and turns down another hall. “See you later Busboy.”

* * *

“How was work?” Grams is hovering by the backdoor when I arrive. “Make any friends today?”  
“Nope.” I go over to the fridge and grab a water bottle before I notice she’s dressed up. “What’s going on?”  
“My friend’s throwing a little game night. I’ll be gone pretty late. There’s money in that jar for pizza or whatever.” The Winnie the Pooh cookie jar just stares at me.  
“Sure. Have fun.”  
“You too.” She says as I walk upstairs.

* * *

I didn’t sleep a minute last night. Well, I actually did, but maybe forty minutes tops. I had fallen asleep until I had the worst dream. I dream that brought me back to one of the worst moments in my life. It just kept repeating. The scream. The grab. The Fire. The beeping. Over and over. Over and over. Over and over.  
Then I snapped out of it. Sat straight up in my bed, sweating. The sad thing is… I wish I could say it was the first time or even the tenth. And as I did the other times, I sat and played sudoku on my phone. I played it over and over until the sun rose. Once the sun was up I took a quick shower and left the house on my bike.  
I’ve been biking for nearly two hours and am pretty sure I’m lost. I’m somewhere next to the water. There are a few boats tied up, but not much else around. It’s quite beautiful though. I’ve never taken a real moment to notice how nice the water looks. And how perfect the sun shines on it. And for just a second my mind goes blank. The sound of the wave goes through my head.  
“Hey. What the fuck are you doing on this dock?” I nearly fall on my ass when I hear the voice and turn to see someone on a nearby boat.  
“What?” I just starting to snap out of my daze.  
“Private. Property.” I can’t really see the guy with the light in my eye, but I take the note and start walking back.

* * *

I got to the club early for my shift so they let me get some extra hours. The bar has been crowded all afternoon. I’ve realized the bar area is filled with four different types of people since I first started. The first are the men who sit at the counter and drink for hours. They’re harmless, but really like to talk. The second type are the group of men that come after they’ve played golf and now want to discuss business. They’re usually quite rude, but they tip a darn good amount. The third type are the men that bring women far younger than them who are clearly not their wives. They are the type that prefers very little attention to them, but really want to impress the women they’re with. The fourth and final type of people that come to this bar is the group of teenage boys who think they are entitled to drinks because their daddy’s pay far too much to get them in. They are the type that truly drives me insane. They try over and over to get what they want, then threaten to get my boss or their parents.  
Speaking of which… just about five minutes ago this group of four teenage boys walked in and took a table. They’ve been chatting, laughing, and looking over at the bar.  
And now one of the boys, one with slicked-back brown hair and wearing a bright-colored shit with cache shorts. He’s smirking and looking way too confident.  
“Hey.” He takes a seat on a stool.  
“Hey. What would you like?”  
“Just four rum and cokes.”  
“Four cokes?”  
“Umm… no. Rum and cokes.”  
“I.D.?”  
“Well I left it in my office, but ask anyone, I’m a regular here.”  
“Well... “ He smiles, thinking he’s about to get what he wants. “No I.D., no drinks.” I walk over to another person and top off their drink.  
I start cleaning up and the boy is still sitting there, watching me. He seems intent on me. Watching. Smiling. Then looking back at his friends and laughing every once and a while. He waits a few minutes before he speaks again.  
“It’s you!” He snaps like he knows something.  
“What?”  
“You’re the kid that was on our docks this morning.” Wait… that was him? “You were standing there like some kind of idiot.”  
“Anything else you need sir?” I can feel my blood starting to heat up.  
“I should’ve realized you we’re some poor Pogue. You probably live in some shithole with your alcoholic mother and father who beats you around for the fun of it.”  
It hits me. Hits me hard. I can feel my blood going from zero to a hundred. My fists tighten, nails digging into my palms. I being picturing the things I could do to him. I could grab a glass and shove it in his face. I could grab him by his hair and shove his head into the counter. But my favorite thought right now is grabbing him by his hair and dragging him across the bar and throwing him into the hundreds of bottles before stomping my foot into his ribs and shattering a large bottle of tequila in his face.  
But I don’t do any of that. I stare him straight in the eyes. I put all my anger into my eyes and let him feel it. At first, he stares back, but after thirty incredibly long seconds, he blinks. He puts on this fake laughter and steps off his stool.  
“Come on guys, let’s go. It’s boring here.” They all walk out together.  
I quickly walk to the main bartender.  
“I’m taking my break. Be back.” I speed out of the bar.  
I make my way down the halls of the club. Through the back exit and where most of the workers hang. I step through the few workers hanging out and around the corner. I immediately face the wall and punch it. I regret it the second I swing my arm, but at that point, there’s no going back. I immediately want to scream, but hold it in.  
“Parker?” I jump out of my skin as Taylor turns the corner. “Oh shit!” She runs up to me as she sees the blood dripping down my fist.  
“I...I…” I begin finding it hard to breathe. “It’s… it’s… al…”  
“It’s okay. Shhhh.” She takes the apron off and wraps it around my hand.  
“But… I can’t… I can’t breathe!” My chest is tightening and everything begins to get a bit hazy.  
“Parker,” Taylor grabs my face and looks me in the eyes. “Focus on my eyes.”  
“But…”  
“Focus on them,” She’s stern. “What color are they?”  
“Blue.”  
“What’s my name?”  
“Taylor.” Things begin to loosen.  
“Where are we?”  
“Hell.” That makes Taylor laugh, then I do as well.  
“Not technically wrong.”  
“Thanks.” I start to feel normal, if I was ever normal to begin with.  
“No problem.” She helps me to my feet.  
“It’s just not my day. This kid came in…”  
“You don’t need to tell me. I understand.” I take a look at my hand. “I’ll go and get some bandages.” She turns to walk away.  
“Taylor. Thank you. Really.”  
“What else are friends that you’ve known for 24 hours for?”  
“I don’t know, depends if they happen to bring me back a cookie.”  
“Oh, really?” We both laugh as she walks away.  
I turn around and lean against the wall. I take a deep breath in and run my hands through my hair. Then I look forward and that kid from the bar is standing in the parking lot. He notices me and smiles. Then he waves before hopping onto his motorbike. He looks to me once more, that grin digging into my skull. I flip him off and that only seems to make him smile more. He rides off and before I know it I find myself getting hard as I watch him ride off.  
“Damn.”


	2. Episode 2

“Hey. I heard you come in late last night. You go out with a friend after work?” My Grams immediately badgers me as I stumble down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“No. Just biked around for a while,” Technically true.

“Sounds fun,” I can tell she’s judging, but in silence. “Do you have work today?”

“No.”

“Well, you’ve been working almost every day since you got here. So maybe today’s a good day to explore the town. Meet some kids your age.” 

“Yeah. Maybe.” I turn to go upstairs.

“No.” She has a very stern voice that makes me turn around. “No hanging out in the house today. You’re going to go out and meet people. You need to be a normal teenager for just a day.”

“But…”

“No buts. I’ll give you ten minutes to get ready, then you must leave. I expect you to be gone until the sun goes.”

“Grams…”

“What?” She’s getting testy.

“Thanks.” She just smiles.

“You’ve got nine minutes now.”

* * *

At first, I started to breathe randomly. I thought I’d just end up where I’d end up. But then I found myself somewhere I recognized. Somewhere by the water. Somewhere by a dock that a certain person has a boat.

I find myself staring at the dock. Part of me knows that I should just go in the opposite direction and move on. Another part of me wants to rush up to the boat and hope to god he’s there and beat him to a bloody pulp. But in the end, I find myself just standing there. Not too close. Not too far. Just close enough to see as that same boy walks out of the boat, but not close enough that he can see me.

I watch as this boy walks around without a shirt. He’s on his phone. He’s smiling. His hair is a little messy. Something about him draws me in. But then, just as I find myself getting hard once again, a girl with fake blonde hair walks out of the boat and wraps her arms around him. He turns around and they kiss. For some reason, even though I hate this boy, something deep down inside me breaks. I quickly get on my bike, but just before I go off, I see that girl go down to her knees. I stop, and for some reason, am drawn back in. I know it’s wrong. I do. But I can’t stop staring at them. The boy just holds her head and smiles. I can see him bite his lower lip. 

“Shit,” I shout as the boy suddenly looks over and makes eye contact with me.

But he doesn’t do anything. Just as I’m ready to make a run for it, he stares back at me, smiling. He looks at me directly in the eyes as his mouth opens. I find myself staring, direct eye contact, for minutes. When the girl comes up to her feet, that’s when the boy finally looks away. It’s like I suddenly get out of a weird trance. I find myself energized and weirdly hot. 

I jump on my bike and speed away before I can see any more.

* * *

For a while, I bike around without any direction. All that’s on my mind is that boy. His slicked-back hair. That smirk. His body. Even those stupid preppy rich kid clothes. Something about him just makes me want to hurt him, but also makes me want to do other things. Other things that I am desperately trying to shove out of my head. 

I am so focused on trying to forget that boy that I guess my body moved in a way it’s used to and biked to the club. When I come up I see Taylor in the back on a break.

“Hey, busboy.”

“Actually it’s bar back boy now.”

“Ooooh fancy.” I find it weird that I’m comfortable around her.

“Yeah, I’m moving up. You better watch your back.”

“I’m scared.” We laugh as I lock my bike up. “So what you doin’ here? You don’t work today.”

“How do you know that?”

“I may or may not have asked.”

“Awww, you actually like me. You really really like me.”

“A little less now.” She punches me in the arm. “Jk. Now really, what’s up?”

“Well…” So I begin. I begin telling her everything. Well, everything from the first time I met the boy at the bar, to my Grams being extra, and to the boy on his boat.

“First of all… I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!”

“Knew what?”

“That you were gay. I have excellent gaydar and saw it on you the second you biked up to me.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Second, who the fuck’s this boy? Sounds like you’ve got yourself a crush on a nasty Kook.”

“Kook? Crush?” I’m confused and offended for some reason.

“Kook’s are the upper crust people of the OBX. Pogue’s are what you’d call us, the working class folk.”  
“Folk?”

“Oh shut it. From the sounds of it, you were dealing with a Grade A Kook.”

“And he was just so…” I can’t help but lick my lips.

“Damn. You’ve got it bad.”

“Shut up. No, I don’t.”

“It’s real bad. Like stalking him online and jerking off to his Insta.”

“Taylor!”

“What? You didn’t deny it.”

“I don’t even know his name. So I couldn’t do any of that if I wanted to.”

“Well if you ever spot him again, take a pic. I know everyone.”

“Thanks.”

“So you’ve got to fill up the rest of your day, right?” I nod. “Well I’m off in 30 and there’s a party on this private beach I was gonna stop at. Wanna come?”  
“Do I have a choice?”

“No, not really.”

“Fine.”

“Great. Wait here. I’ll be back.”

* * *

**ALMOST AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER…**

“Please say we’re close.”

“It’s just beyond this line of trees loser.”

“What’s so good about these parties that we have to drive 30 minutes then hike through the woods for another 30?”

“Not much. Just kids our age, alcohol, music, and usually a good fight to watch.”

“Oh… fun.”

“Trust me. It is. You may even see your Kook.”

“My Kook? And I thought you said it’s a Pogue party.”

“He has no name, what else can I call him? And yeah, Kook’s know we throw the best parties and always crash.”

“I feel like I need to take notes.”

“Yeah. Welcome to Taylor Teaches.” She laughs as we walk onto the beach and see dozens of teens, a buttload of solo cups, and very little clothing that makes me feel like I’m ready for a Minnesota winter.

“So… do any of the guys here wear shirts?” That makes Taylor laugh. “But seriously. Not a single boy is wearing a shirt.”

“It’s too hot for shirts. And are you really complaining about seeing that?” She tilts her head for me to see these two really hot boys wearing just bathing suits and that each have these amazing heads of hair.

“Ok… I guess…” I can’t stop smiling… or starring at those boys.

“Hey!” Taylor’s voice goes up a few octaves as she walks up to this beautiful girl with dark wavy hair.

“What’s up? It’s been too long!” They hug before the girl notices me. “Is this your…?”

“No.” Taylor and I both laugh. “This is Parker. Parker, this is Kiara.”

“Hey. Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“Parker’s new here. He’s been working at the Club with me.”

“Oh… fun.”

“No. Not really.” That makes her laugh.

“Well it’s good you’ve made friends with Taylor here, she’s a great teacher. You’ll be a pro of The Banks in no time.”

“I haven’t decided yet if I want to be though.”

“Trust me, you will.” Kiara smiles and we follow her towards the party. “Anything to drink?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

“Hey! JJ!” Kiara suddenly shouts and I turn to see her shouting at one of the boys I saw before, who’s now throwing a knife up in the air. “Don’t be an idiot! If you get blood over my knife you’re dead!”

“Shut up! I’m amazing at this!” His voice gives me a little shiver.

“That boy’s gonna drive me to an early grave.” She looks back at us. “Sorry. I’ll be back.” She runs off to him.

“That’s JJ. He’s a total shitshow of a kid, but he’s truly kind at heart.” Taylor then points to that other boy I saw before with JJ, he’s similar-looking but with long brown hair. “That’s John B. He and Kiara had a thing for a while, but they’re really just best friends along with JJ and Pope.” We look over to the boy running up to help JJ and Kiara now that JJ was cut his palm a little. “He’s the smart one of their good, very kind, but he’s the mother of the group.”

“Okayyy… and what about the thirty or so other people here.”

“Later. I’ll need a few drinks before getting into them.”

* * *

With a few drinks and thirty minutes, Taylor goes through each person at the party. I only really remember the first few and the weird ones. There’s Christian, the boy who sleeps with any girl he meets. Then Meredith, the girl who’s dad is a police officer and not so secretly hooking up with a married man. And of course, I remember Chris, the girl, who hooked up with Christian, then realized she was gay and is dating the sheriff’s closeted daughter.

Other than that, most of the others were pretty basic. But Kiara and her friends were the ones that really stuck out to me, specifically JJ. Something about JJ hits me. I can’t stop watching him. He does all this crazy stuff for attention, but I can see something damaged about him. Something in him is hurting, and he’ll do anything to forget about it. Or... I may just be reading into everything… I ended up having some drinks and am pretty lit at the moment.

* * *

It’s getting late. The sun is going down. The drinks have been flowing. The music hasn’t stopped. The people just keep on coming. And… I’m actually having fun. For the first time in months, my mind has turned off. I’m just living in the moment and enjoying it. I’ve been sitting with Taylor, Kiara, JJ, John B, and Pope. They’ve been telling me these crazy stories about their adventures around the OBX. Some involve treasure. Others involve sharks, fireworks, drinking too much, and even one that involved multiple squirrels and a jar of peanut butter. That one confused me… and scared me a little.

“Where’s Sarah?” Taylor pops to her feet out of nowhere.

“Yeah. I thought she was coming!” Kiara jumps up with Taylor and they both begin laughing.

“She said she was having some family problems, as always.”

“Bummer.” They both say together before plopping back down into the sand.

“Sarah… your girlfriend? Right?”

“Right.” John B’s smile is cute.

“You’ve got a cute smile.” It spits out of my mouth.

“Thanks.” He smiles yet again.

I see Kiara whisper into Taylor’s ear.

“What?” I look to them, at this point losing any fucks.

“Nothing.” Kiara is smiling.

“What? I won’t be mad.” Everyone just laughs.

“I just said that I thought you’re nice. And a bit drunk.”

“Awwww…. I really am drunk.” Everyone just starts laughing. “Oh shit.” I quickly notice three boys walking onto the beach, one of which is _the_ boy. 

“What?” Taylor looks at me, worried. “You good?”

“It’s him.”

“Who?”

“ _Him_.”  
“Wait. What? Where?” She starts looking around.

“The one with the hair.”

“Well, that’s quite descriptive.”

“Oh shit. Rafe and the rest of the boy band are here.” JJ says, him and the others all looking over to the boys walking in.

“Oh shit.” Taylor looks to me. “Oh shit!”

“You good?” Kiara looks at her.

“Um… yeah. Yeah.” Taylor gets close to me. “ _The_ boy you’re talking about. Is it the one with the brown hair?”

“Oh yeah…” My mind is starting to think of some very dirty things and I can’t control them.

“No. No. No. Not allowed.”

“What?” I look at her, getting quickly confused, the alcohol not helping with that.

“That’s Rafe Cameron. Aka the psycho of The Banks. Aka Sarah’s brother. Aka the boy who killed someone and who’s rich daddy got him off. Aka…”

“Wait… what?”


	3. Episode 3

“Hey. Hey.” I somehow manage to open my eyes, the sun feels like it’s burning my retinas.

“Hey.” I can’t help but smile as I see JJ standing above me, shirtless.

“So I gotta go but stay as long as you want. I think I’ve got some water bottles and chips if you want some.”

“Thanks.” I manage to sit up.

“No probs. Last night was fun.” What happened last night?

“Yeah. It was.”

“Hopefully we can hang again.”

“Definitely.” I can’t stop starring at his hair.

“Great. Bye.” He runs off, leaving me speechless and very confused.

I look around and I’m on a small, but very comfy couch. I then realize I’m not wearing the same shirt that I was last night. It’s a bit tighter and sleeveless. I start looking around for my shirt, but I can’t find it. Then I start looking for my phone. It takes a minute, but I find it under the couch. As I stand up I bump my hand against the coach and nearly scream at the pain. It’s sudden and it’s stabbing. I look at my hand and it’s a bit purple, blue, and swollen. 

What the fuck happened last night? The last thing I can remember is… Rafe! He came with two friends to the beach. Taylor told me his name and I was immediately hot and bothered. I remember him walking up to us. JJ was really mad for some reason. Then… I don’t remember. My memory just gets fuzzy and weird. 

Then it hits me! Not my memory, but that I have to be at work in an hour! I quickly find my shoes and run outside. Luckily my bike is somehow out front. I hop on and go straight to my Grams. I go faster than I’ve ever gone on my bike before. I make it back quickly, but sweating a lot. 

“Parker!” Grams shouts the second I walk in. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Oh…” Guess I forgot to text her. “Sorry I went to a party and slept at a friend’s.”

“Sorry? I thought you were… wait… a friend?”

“Yeah…”

“You made a friend?”

“Yeah. A few actually.”

“That’s great! And was that friend a… ‘friend’?”

“Grams!”

“What?”

“I’ve gotta get ready for work.”

“Fine. But next time, text me. Let me know you won’t be home.”

“Okay.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

* * *

Work is rough. The second I got there my entire brain and body start to crash, which makes it really difficult to talk to drunk and very talkative people. But for the most part, I claw my way through it. Each time I grab a glass my hand hurts so much that I want to smack my other hand and break it so the other hand’s pain feels like nothing.

“What’s up… Parker?” I nearly drop a glass and have a heart attack when I hear Rafe’s voice. “What? You still angry?” I turn and that smirk hits me like a smack to the face.

“What would you like sir?”

“Sir? I feel so hurt. I thought we were becoming friends?” I can’t tell if he’s telling the truth or joking, and it’s annoying me.

“Why would you think that?”

“Really?” He looks at me confused. “Really?”

“Well…” Suddenly my boss comes up to me.

“Hey, Parker I need you helping in the kitchen for the rest of your shift.”

“Yes sir.” I look over to Rafe as my boss walks away. “Um… maybe…”

“This was fun Parker. I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Wait. What exactly…”

“Bye.” He quickly turns around and walks away.

* * *

“Hey!” Taylor jumps up in front of me while I’m cleaning a large bowl.

“Hey…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Still a bit hungover.”

“Oops. Sorry.”

“It’s no problem. You starting your shift?”

“In ten. So how’s your hand?”

“Oh. Not great. What exactly happened?” She looks to me, shocked.

“You don’t remember?”

“Not really.”

“Well, Rafe and his friends Topper and Kelce arrived when it started getting dark.”

“Yeah. I remember that. And JJ got real pissed for some reason.”

“Well, what you don’t know is that JJ is not the biggest fan of Kooks. Or, more accurately, he hates them. Hates them all, except for Sarah, but that’s more recent and took a long time. But Rafe and JJ have a long history. When he showed up and JJ had already been drinking a good amount, he was ready for a fight. And as I told you…”

“There’s always a fight at these parties.”

“Exactly.”

“So they got in a fight?”

“Well… yes and no. JJ was ready to fight. He would’ve done it. If… you didn’t get in the middle.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. It was kinda weird. You stepped in between them. You said a few words and both JJ and Rafe listened to you. They calmed down.”

“Really? What did I say?”

“I honestly can’t remember. But I do remember mentioning Toy Story.”

“Oh… I do really like that movie.” We both laugh.

“Well after that Rafe starting walking away. The problem is that I guess Kelce had already had a few drinks beforehand and was coming to fight. So he jumped JJ. JJ Couldn’t get Kelce off him.”

“What about Rafe, and Topper?”

“Topper stood back. He tries to not get involved with this drama these days. But Rafe actually went to go and take Kelce off JJ. You helped him. You got him off. But then Kelce swung at you. You, however, were like Rocky and dodged then swung at him. With one punch you knocked him out cold.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah. It was so cool. After that, everyone was kinda cool. JJ and Rafe weren’t friends or anything, but they stayed away from each other and didn’t try anything. I would say it was quite a successful night.”

“Wait… how’d I end at JJ’s?”

“Oh yeah! That was really nice of him. I think you guys really got close. You were totally out of it. When we were all heading out you were freaking out about your Grams seeing you drunk so JJ said you could stay over with him.”

“Oh. That was nice.”

“Yeah. I dropped you two and your bike off.”

“I’m so relieved.”

“Why?”  
“It’s just nice to know what happened. I thought I did something really bad.”

“The only thing you did bad was that punch. You hurt your hand badly. But you were not feeling it at all. You were having the time of your life.”

“I wish I could remember that.”

“It’s fine. There’ll be plenty more parties to make memories that you can remember.”

“Yeah. Just stop me after I drink too much.”

“Will do.”

“Well it looks like my shift is over and yours is about to begin.”

“Sadly. You working the big fourth of July party tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Mostly just keeping the bar stocked.”

“I’ll be helping make the dessert.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

* * *

“Hey. How was work?” Grams is leaving the house as I arrive.

“Fine. Work.”

“Ah. You sound so excited.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’ll be back in a few hours. Pizza tonight?”

“Sure.”

She leaves and I go up to my room. I immediately drop onto my bed and pull my phone out of my pocket. The first thing I see are some Instagram notifications. I open up and see I’ve got two friend requests. Rafe and JJ. I first look at Rafe’s page. There are photos after photos of Rafe looking so hot at the beach, on his motorbike, on his boat, at The Club. Looking at him makes me so hard. But as I look at him, something starts to come back to me. 

At first, I remember Kelce attacking JJ. Then punching Kelce. Then playing some drinking game with everyone. Then some hazy singing of Sweet Home Alabama. Then I remember walking off into the woods to pee. Then it comes to me. It hits me like a punch to the balls. I remember Rafe coming out into the woods. He walked up to me, smiling that beautiful smile. Then, without any warning, he pushed me up against a tree. He placed both his hands on the side of my head, running his fingers through my hair. Then he planted a very soft and powerful kiss on my lips. It was like fireworks went off in my entire body. It was a feeling I’d never felt with any other guy before. It was special beyond belief. Then he stepped back. He smiled. And he said three words…

“That was fun.” Then he started walking away.

“What? You can’t just walk away after that!” 

“Why not?” He winked and left the woods and me angry and super horny.

With my memories coming back I realize I’m still missing one part of the evening, the end. So I go over to JJ Insta and look through his posts. He doesn’t post very often, but it’s usually with his friends, in the water, or on a boat. But then I see a photo of him at his house and things slowly start coming back once more.

Taylor dropped JJ and me off. We stumbled into the house. JJ plopped onto the coach and waved me over…

“Come here. Come on.” He patted the seat next to him. “Let’s watch some cartoons.”  
“Yes!” I got really excited about the cartoons and sat down next to him.

“Um… let’s see… Hey Arnold… Recess… Rugrats…”

“Rugrats!” He looked over to me, smiling. “Rugrats! Rugrats! Rugrats!”

“Okay. Okay. Okay.” He just laughed and kept looking over at me.

“What?” I stopped looking at the TV as I noticed him still starring at me. “Did I burp?” I don’t know why I thought I did.

“No.” He laughed and before I know it he leaned forward and kissed me.

“Oh…”

“Oh!” I could tell he was freaking out. Like he had messed up.

So I moved back in and started kissing him. I ran both my hands into his messy blonde hair and he immediately went to take my shirt off. He threw it somewhere. Before I knew it we were making out. JJ pushed me down on the couch and got on top of me. Our bodies were rubbing up against each other for a while. Until I got tired and yawned. That’s when JJ moved off me.

“You should go to bed.”

“No. We don’t need to stop.”

“It’s no problem. Just get some sleep.” He grabbed a blanket and put it over me. “This was fun.”

At that moment I remember feeling like JJ wasn’t as drunk as he was acting to be.

With all my memories of that night going through my head and piecing together like a puzzle I’ve been working on for years, I find myself getting hard. And really confused. I accept both of their requests and start looking through their pages. I keep going back and forth. One second I’m thinking about how hot and sweet JJ is. The next I’m thinking about the raw animalistic thoughts I have for what I want to do to Rafe.

Just as I slide my hand down my pants and start to feel real good, my phone beeps, and I receive a DM. I look and it’s JJ.

**JJ: Hey. Wanna hang out later? Maybe continue our party from last night?**

Then, just as I’m ready to answer him, I get another message, this time from Rafe.

**RAFE: Come to my boat. Midnight. Tell no one.**

“Fuck me.”


	4. Episode 4

“Parker. Hey. Parker.”

“Huh?” I look up from my bowl of cereal.

“Everything alright?” Grams sits down across me.

“Yeah.”

“Do you work today?”

“Yeah. I Gotta be going soon. I’ll be gone late though. Big party at the club.”

“Oh yeah. The big 4th of July party. They’ve had it every year since I was a little kid.”

“You’ve been?”  
“A few times. Mostly when I was younger.” I look down at my cereal. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

“Hey!” Taylor runs up to me once I get off my bike. “So I can’t talk long, but when you’re done helping set up the bar, come to the kitchen and help me with the desserts.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Then we can talk.”

“Talk about what?”

“Just some OBX drama.”

“Oh…?”

“Sorry. Gotta get back before I get yelled at.” She runs off.

“Hey, Parker. Can you go and grab some more champagne flutes in the back?”

“Sure.” I head out of the bar.

As I walk down the back hall and towards the storage room, I see Rafe. He’s standing at the other end of the hall, wearing shorts and a tank top. He looks sweaty, his hair slightly messy. He just smiles. I take a deep breath, smile back, then continue into the back room. 

“You’re not gonna say hello?” I turn around and see Rafe walk into the room.

He closes the door. He looks at me and gives me that smirk that really hits me in the gut. That’s when I notice his hand.

“What happened?” It’s black and blue, very similar looking to my hand.

“Oh, just a stupid thing.”

“I didn’t think you were the stupid kind.”

“Ha. Funny.” He steps up to me. “Now, are we gonna keep talking and do something else?”

“Well… I’m kinda working right now.”

“And…? You should’ve come last night” He moves forward and begins kissing me.

I quickly get into it and run my hands down Rafe’s body. We slam our bodies together. I can feel his bulge rubbing against mine. It feels so good. I can resist him. The more he pushes up against me the more I want him. His sweaty smell only makes me want him more. Rafe doesn’t waste any time as he slides one of his hands down my pants. The second his hand touches my penis I feel my entire body shoot with electricity. He starts moving his hand up and down. I tilt my head back and he starts to kiss my neck.

“Shit!” The backroom door opens and my boss is so surprised by what he sees he jumps back and closes the door.

“Oh shit!” I yank Rafe’s hand out of my pants. “Shit! Shit! Shit!”  
“What?” Rafe doesn’t seem scared at all.

“What? What?” I”m starting to panic.

“It’s not like he’ll say anything. He’s scared of my father.”

“Rafe!” My god he’s stupid. 

“What?”

“Just go!”

“Why? Let’s just finish.” He licks his lips and steps back towards me.

“No!” I push him back. “Are you kidding me? If I don’t get fired it’d be a miracle!”

“Eh. You can just find another job. There’s plenty.”

“That’s not the point! My god are you always this entitled?”

“Me? Entitled? At least I’m not some psycho punching random people up!”

“Psycho? Me?” I can feel my blood boiling. “From everything I’ve heard about you, your dad, and the things you’ve done it’s an actual miracle your not in jail!”

“Fuck you! At least I’ve got a dad around. God knows where yours is. Probably a back alley shooting up!”

It all goes away. That last bit of rope holding me back vanishes. Everything that keeps this specific part of me away goes away in that instant. I find myself charging at Rafe. One hand on his throat. I grip it tight. I push him back and against the wall. He starts wheezing for air. My mind is telling me to stop. It’s telling me to stop and take a deep breath. But my body is on autopilot. 

“Stop. Please.” Rafe manages to whisper.

Something in Rafe’s voice. Something in it. The sadness. The fear. It hits me like a freight train. I immediately let go of him and he falls to the floor. All of me starts coming back. I start feeling so bad for what I did. All I want to do is apologize over and over, but my body is shaking and I’m scared as hell. I open the door and step out. My boss is standing right there, looking angry.

“I know. I’m fired.” I say before quickly walking off. 

I begin walking quicker and quicker. My feet are on fire. I can’t stop. I make my way out the back and to my bike. Just as I’m getting on my bike, Taylor runs out. 

“Everything okay Parker?” She looks concerned and a bit scared.

“Um…” I don’t know if I can speak right now.

“Did you hear about JJ?” My mind goes to the darkest place it can go once I hear that. A too familiar feeling starts to rush through me. “He’s in the hospital. Someone beat him up badly last night.”

I say nothing. I just get on my bike and ride off. I ride off with all the energy I have in me. Emotions start hitting me in waves. One second I’m pissed. Then I’m sad. Then I’m scared. My anxiety is going through the roof. It starts to get hard to breathe. Things start to get blurry. I quickly pull off to the side of the road. I jump off my bike and go straight to my knees. Everything is falling apart. My brain is going to fifty different places at once. My body is shutting down. Is this what my life is? Is this what I’m always going to be?

“You okay?” A voice scares the bejesus out of me and I fall onto my butt. “Oh. Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” It’s a girl. Dirty blonde hair.

“I...I…” Each time I try to speak it hurts my throat and my chest.

“I think you’re having a panic attack. Wait right here.” She runs off and comes right back with a bottle of water. “Have small sips.”

I take a few, finding my body to calm down just a little.

“Just focus on your heart. Feel it beating.” Her voice is soothing to me. “Feel the air flow into your mouth. Feel your heart beating. Feel the air come out of your mouth.”

I start to feel my body relaxing. My muscles some to calm. My chest is just aching lightly now.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” She smiles and takes a seat on the ground next to me. “I’m Sarah.” She sticks her hand out.

“Parker.” I shake her hand and she smiles.

“As in  _ the _ Parker who knocked out Kelce?” I just smile. “Well first, good on you. I’ve never like Kelce. He just does whatever my brother says without a second thought.”

Brother? Rafe’s her brother? That Sarah? Oh shit!

“Second, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot from Kiara and John B.”

“Hopefully good.”

“Oh. Definitely. We were actually just talking about inviting you to a boat day we’re gonna have once JJ’s out of the hospital.”

“Oh. How is he? I was just on my way there.”

“He’s beaten up badly, but he’ll survive. He’s a tough guy. It would take a lot more to take him down.”

“Yeah.” That makes me smile.

“So… you want a ride there?” She helps me up to my feet.

“No. It’s fine. I can bike…” I look over to my bike and I guess while I was freaking out I let it go down a hill and run into a tree. “Oh…”

“Let me give you a ride.”

“Thanks.” We get in the car. 

“So…” She looks at me and I can see she’s thinking about something.

“I know. That was nuts. I’m sorry we had to meet that way. It’s just that…”

“You don’t need to explain it to me. It was not nuts. It was human. Sometimes we have bad days. Trust me, I understand.”

“Thanks.”

“And actually, I was gonna ask you if your little attack was about JJ?”

“What? Why would it be about JJ?”

“Well, it was pretty obvious with the way you were worried about him, then your face when you heard he was alright. It’s pretty obvious he means something to you.”

“I barely know him. He’s just a friend.”

“Yeah…”

“What?”

“It’s fine. I won’t say anything.” We just smile. “You know… John B and I barely knew each other and I knew I had fallen for him.”

“But… what if…” I stop myself and she just looks over to me.

“It’s never as complicated as it seems. Just listen to what your heart is saying. The heart knows before the brain.” 

“Has anyone ever told you you sound like a Hallmark card?”

“Once or twice.” We laugh.

* * *

“Thanks for the ride.”

“No problem. I’ll text you the detail for the boat day. It’ll probably on Saturday.”

“Sounds great. It was nice to finally meet you.”

“And you too.”

“And… thanks for the help?”

“About the panic attack or JJ?”

“Thanks.” I step out and she drives off.

I step up to the hospital, the first time I’ve been to one since…

It feels weird. It’s not the same hospital, but it feels like it is. I look as people come in and out. Some looking happy. Some looking sad. Even a few looking mad. It all just strikes me in a weird way. I hadn’t even thought about a hospital since that night. It still feels like it was the other day. Like my life had just been turned upside down yesterday.

But then I think of JJ. I want JJ to know that I came. That I care. And if I don’t go in, he’ll never know. He’ll think I didn’t care. 

So I step forward. The doors slide open. Then, just as I’m about to step in, an ambulance drives up. The siren hits me like a brick to the head. The EMT’s pull out a man on a gurney. It feels just like before. My chest is aching. My brain is going in fifty different directions. But this time, one voice in my head is louder than the others. It’s telling me one thing. It’s shouting it over and over. It’s screaming into my bones. It’s smacking me upside the head. It’s stabbing me in the gut…

RUN!

And I listen…


	5. Episode 5

_ JJ licks my cheek as his hands reach down to my pants. He reaches one hand down my pants as the other pulls the zipper down. As we kiss, his tongue slips into my mouth. He stops to look at me. He flashes those pearly whites. Then he starts moving down, his hands sliding down my chest. He looks up, his mouth opening up. _

_ Just as JJ moves forward and his wet lips begin to touch me, Rafe’s head appears from over my shoulder. He starts kissing my neck. I move my hands back and run my fingers through his slick hair. I feel his hands slide up from beneath my arms. He pulls my arms behind my head. I feel his mouth as it grabs fingers. He starts to suck on them. _

_ “Oh…” I begin to moan as Rafe slips a finger into my butt. _

_ “Parker…” I hear a moan coming from one of them. “Parker…” Rafe releases my hands and I dig them into JJ’s hair. “Parker!” _

I jump out of bed, falling onto the floor and smacking my head against the side table.

“Shit!” I grab my head. “Shit! Shit! Shit!”

“I’m heading out. I’ll see you later.” I hear the front door slam.

I get to my feet. I manage to get myself to the bathroom and look at the mess that is in the mirror. I look how I feel, a piece of shit. I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath in. I then look at myself in the mirror again. This time when I look at myself I see a far too familiar person behind me. A person that terrifies me to my bones. I am in such shock that I fall backward and onto the ground. I start breathing heavily. I start looking around, but no one’s actually in here. I just plop down on the floor and start breathing regularly. 

* * *

“Parker!” Sarah and John B shout as I walk out of the house and toward their car.

“Hey!” I put on a smile and push back all that’s happened recently, ready to enjoy a boat day.

“So is this really your first time on a boat?” John B turns around as we drive off, his hair blowing in the wind.

“Yep.”

“Oh… we’re gonna have fun today!” He shouts, putting his head out of the window.

I see Sarah looking at me in the rearview mirror. She looks concerned but then smiles when I smile.

* * *

“Whoo!” John B shouts as we arrive.

He jumps out of the car and grabs the cooler in the back before running onto the docks.

“Johnny boy!” JJ shouts from the boat, standing up with a crutch.

He looks good. He’s smiling. He looks clean and more put together than normal. But his face has some bruises and he’s got a cast on his left arm. I look over and notice Sarah looking at me again. She walks over to me.

“JJ said you never visited him.”

“Oh.” That’s when I see him again, standing at the end of the dock, smiling.

“Is everything alright?” I hear her voice faintly in the background.

Everything begins to freeze. He stands there watching me. Acting as if he’s won. That smile scares me like it has so many times. My heart starts to thump. Each beat vibrates my body. I can feel it getting progressively faster. Each second I see him, I can feel my body warming up. My body tenses. I can feel the sweat building on my forehead. A small ringing runs through my head.

“Parker.” Her voice echoes, feeling miles away. “Parker.” She steps in front of me. “You good?”

“Yeah.” I put a smile on. “Perfect.”

“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks, mom.” We both laugh.

Sarah starts walking to the boat and when I look back to the docks, he’s gone. 

“My beauty.” JJ puts his hand out to help Sarah onto the boat. “Welcome aboard. Drinks on the port. Snacks on the starboard.”

“JJ. It’s my boat.” They laugh and hug. “Good to see ya doing well.”

“Parker,” JJ says when he sees me, a faint smile on his face. 

“Hey. You look good.” I step onboard.

“You too.” He bites his lower lip.

Kiara hands me a beer and I quickly begin drinking. John B hands me a shot, I take it down. The music starts. Everyone starts dancing. Everyone is laughing. And me… I’m pushing everything back. I can feel that it’s not good. I know it’s just going to explode eventually. But I don’t care. I don’t care how much alcohol it takes. Or how much dancing it takes. All I care about is forgetting and having fun. I just want to have fun for once. Fun with no drama. Fun with no violence. Fun with no regrets.

“Shots!” JJ walks up to everyone with a plate of shots.

“Whoo!” We all shout before taking them down.

“You’re looking really hot tonight,” JJ whispers to me while the music is loud and everyone else is dancing.

“You too.” I lick my lips and take down another shot. “Wanna dance?”

“Well…” He lifts his crutch.

“Bummer.” I leave him smiling and go back to the dance floor after taking another shot. “Whoo!”

“Whoo!” Everyone shouts back.

I feel my body heating up. Sweat is dripping. The air feels thick and warm. Everyone’s rubbing up against each other. John B and Sarah and rubbing up very close. Taylor and Pope are getting closer. Kiara is laughing on the side with JJ. I feel my body slowing down. I look around and notice the smiles on everyone. Everyone just seems so happy. It just seems so easy for them.

When I look over to the sun beginning to set I see him once more. He’s just standing on the water, smiling. Something with the combination of seeing him, the alcohol, and all the dancing hits me. My legs just buckle. My knees smack the ground hard, a boom vibrating through the air.

Everyone suddenly stops what they’re doing and look at me. I can see their faces. It’s a look of pity. A look that I’ve always feared. They’re looking at me like I’m crazy. Then I feel the water running down my face. I start rubbing my face. I’m crying. Why the fuck am I crying. Sarah starts walking to me. She gets to her knees. She saying something, but I can’t hear her. Taylor comes behind her. They’re looking at each other and saying something, but all I hear is some sort of ringing.

“I’m good.” I just stand up, everyone’s eyes following me. “I’m good.” I walk over to where the drinks are, grab a bottle of vodka, and just walk down below and into the bedroom.

I take a seat and a massive chug of the vodka. Right in front of me, he stands. He’s just smiling that stupid smile. Seeing him makes me want to break things. It makes me want to cry. I want to scream till I lose my voice.

“Parker…” JJ walks in and he vanishes.

“What?” I take another swig of the vodka.

“You okay?”

“Why does everyone always ask me that?”

“I just…”

“Stop it!” I stand up. “Stop being so fuckin’ nice! It’s annoying!”

“Um…”

“Um…? Um…? Just stop it! You don’t want to be friends with me! You don’t want to be around me! No one does!”

“That’s not true.” JJ tries walking up to me.

“Stop!” I take a large chug of the vodka. “Fuck off!”

“No.” He just stands there looking ridiculous.

“Why can’t you realize I’m fucked up? Why can’t you realize I’m dangerous?”

“You’re not. Trust me. I’ve had bad shit in my life. I’ve done fucked up things. But we move past it. We grow. We do better.”

“Oh my god.” I interrupt him. “Stop with the stupid hallmark movie bullshit. You fuckin’ loser.” I step up to him, taking a sip of the vodka. “You don’t know me. You can’t even begin to think of the shit I’ve been through.”

“Then tell me. Tell me everything.”

“You want to know?” I laugh. “I wish I could just sit and tell you everything. It’s a fucking novella. It’s the fuckin’ Odyssey.”

“I’ve got time.”

“Well, I don’t. I don’t have time for your bullshit. Your happy feely crap.” I try walking past him, but he grabs my arm.

“Get the fuck off me!” I push him back and onto the bed. “Stop trying to help me! Stop it!”

“I won’t.” He stands up.

“Fuck! Fine! Maybe if you know just what I am you’ll finally stop this nonsense!” I take a large chug of the vodka. “So… abusive dad. Months ago there was an accident. All my fault. Mom died. Dad got more abusive. More of a drunk. Then I snapped when he threw my mom’s ashes. I hit him. I hit him so many times that he died. And now I’m here living with his mom.” JJ just stares at me. “I told you. Fucked up. Now you see why you should stay away from me? I’m a fuckin’ killer!” 

“Parker…” He moves towards me and I feel this sudden sense of Deja Vu.

“No!” I push him back, his head his the wall hard. “Don’t touch me! Don’t ever touch me!” Everything starts to get blurry around me.

Things start to get like before. My chest is tightening. My muscles are tightening. My heart is racing. My stomach is flipping. I quickly take one last chug of the vodka before it’s empty and throw it onto the bed.

“Parker!” JJ walks to me, grabbing his head.

“NO!” I turn away and leave the room.

I make it up to the top and grab the first bottle of alcohol I find. Immediately everyone starts to stare at me. I can see them judging me. I take a large chug of the bottle and just start dancing to the music. The others stop dancing, but I won’t… I can’t. I move my body up and down. I move around in circles. I keep taking swigs of the bottle. Everything begins to get blurry. My head feels light. Everything is just off. Everything is wrong. 

I see JJ walk up top and to Sarah. I stop dancing as I see him whisper into Sarah’s ear. She just looks over at me.

“What’d you say?” I walk up to them. “What the fuck did you just tell her?”

“Nothing.” JJ looks scared.

“What? Now you’re scared of me? And now you’re warning everyone? What fuckin’ bullshit! What about that stupid shit that you’d be fine no matter what I told you? Was it all just some fuckin’ lie?”

“No… Parker…” I look around and everyone is getting freaked out.

“Just stop it!” I feel everything closing in on me. “Fine! Fine! Fine!” Tears start rolling down my face. “You all wanna know who I really am?”

“You don’t…” JJ starts.

“Oh but I do! You’re going to tell them! I might as well get it all out there. Make it easier for you!” I take a very large swig of the bottle. “I’m a killer! I fuckin’ killed my dad. Beat him up so bad his brain just stopped. And now the courts have ordered me to stay with my dad’s mom who still thinks he was a saint even though he would beat me daily since I was five.” I just start laughing. “He was psycho, yet they think I am. They don’t even know about the time he put my hand in boiling water because he didn’t want me making pasta. Fuckin’ pasta! I was ten!” I start running my hands through my hair, everything around me feels like it’s getting closer. “And that’s just my dad’s death! Should I bring up my moms?” I see Kiara and Taylor starting to tear up, holding each other. “She died just six months ago. All because I had to fight back with my dad. She lost control. We went right into an 18 fuckin’ wheeler! She died and I got to take the blame until I lost it.” I take a deep breath in, my entire body aching. “You happy now?” I look to JJ, who, like everyone else, looks scared and worried.

“Pa…” JJ, tears going down his face, tries to speak.

“No.” I feel myself calming. “I’m done.” The sadness starts to hit like a tidal wave.

I just walk to the side of the boat and jump onto the dock. I look back and everyone’s looking at me.

“I tried.” Tears start rolling down my face. “I really tried.”

Then I walk away. I just start walking down the dirt road. I hear someone shouting my name, but I don’t look back. I just keep walking. I walk into the darkness without a second thought. The tears eventually stop a few miles later. I see no one. I see no car. I just walk. In no specific direction either. 

I don’t think about anything. I just walk. My mind is too tired to think. It just feels empty at this point. 

“Parker?” I feel my bones rattle and nearly jump out of my skin when I realize a car has pulled over to the side and right next to me. “Parker?” I look into the car and see Rafe. “You need a ride?” I can’t even focus on him.

“Sure.” At this point, why not?


	6. Episode 6

“Are you okay?” I hear Rafe, but something in me has just shut down. “Parker?”

I just look straight forward. I don’t feel the need to say words. I don’t even think I could say the words if I could think of any to say. 

“Where would you like to go? Home?” He looks to me, I don’t move an inch. “The Club? The library? The school? The back seat?” That makes me laugh a little. “Ah! He’s alive in there!” I can see him smiling out of the corner of my eye. “I have a place we could go… if you don’t mind a surprise that is?”

He looks at me and I turn my head to look back. I just smile and he smiles back.

“I’ll take that as two thumbs up.”

* * *

We arrive a little later at what seems to be a beach, but it’s too dark to really see anything. Rafe gets out of the car and to the trunk where he grabs a lantern. He walks around and opens the passenger door.

“You coming?”

I step out and close the door behind me. I follow him until’ he stops. He just turns back and looks at me.

“You’ll probably want to take your shoes off.” He just smiles as he bends over and slides his shoes and socks off, leaving them to the side.

I follow his lead. He steps down off a short ledge and onto the beach. He holds out his hand and I grab it, letting him help me down. The sand is cold. But it’s comforting. I feel it go between my toes like a soothing massage.

“I found this spot last summer.” Rafe walks on my side, holding the lantern in front. “I was having… a really bad summer. I did things I regretted. I needed to be someplace alone. Someplace no one would bother me.” We walk up to the water and begin walking beside it. “Oh shit.” The cold water runs up onto our feet and he runs like a little kid up the beach. “Isn’t it cold?” He shouts from a distance.

I just smile and laugh a little.

“You’re crazy.” He laughs as he runs up, standing on the other side of me now. “Look. Isn’t it just amazing?” He looks out to the ocean. “How it just goes on forever. That there are things out there no one will ever understand.”

I look at the water. The way the full moon is lighting up a part of the water, letting me see the large waves crashing at a distance. It seems so dark, yet alive. It seems wild but beautiful. Something in the ocean just makes me want to walk in and never return. 

“Here.” He turns to the woods, getting excited. He looks to me. “What? Trust me.” He starts walking and I follow him.

We walk a few minutes into the woods until he stops at a very large and thick tree. 

“You first.” He guides the lantern to a ladder dangling from something too high up to see in the dark.

I look to him with a certain look that says everything.

“Oh just climb.” Luckily, or not so much, I’ve sobered up after my walk.

I grab the ladder and start climbing. It’s shaky and I feel my heart starting to speed up. But then I look down and see Rafe climbing behind me, a smile on his face.

“I’m not looking at anything… too much.”

I reach the top. A large wooden floor with short walls on three sides. I crawl up, my knees scraping a little on the natural wood. Rafe comes up behind me and hands me the lantern. I pull it up and quickly begin to notice the writing and etches all over the contraption. Rafe stumbles up, nearly falling to the edge.

“Shit!” Rafe sits up and looks at me. “Welcome to my humble abode.” We slide to the back wall and sit up against it. 

I immediately look forward and notice the view. Straight ahead is the ocean. It can be seen for miles. The boats in the distance look small. Their little lights flash like little fireflies in the distance. To the left is more ocean along with the small homes that live far from the town. To the right, I can see the center of town. The lights on Main Street are beautiful. But something in the look of the town just feels small. It feels minuscule. If the town is so small, then what am I?

“I found this during a drunk stooper. It really wasn’t safe, but somehow I made it up. I then fell asleep here and woke up the next morning when the rain started to pour on me.” That makes me laugh, which makes Rafe smile. “It sounds funny, but just imagine being hungover and climbing down that ladder in a thunderstorm. I peed my pants a little.” I laugh some more. “Luckily you couldn’t tell the difference between water and pee on my pants.” We both laugh.

He lies back, putting his hands behind his head. I do the same. We both look up at the stars. It’s beautiful. It’s quiet. Something about this is exactly what I needed.

“I don’t want to sound like I know what has happened to you. Or how you feel. But… I want you to know that whatever you’ve done, whatever you’ve said… none of it is on my level.” I turn my head to him. “Trust me. I’m not a good person.” He closes his eyes and I can’t help but just watch him. “I killed someone last summer.”

I look at him with shock. He doesn’t open his eyes, he probably doesn’t want to see my face for that very reason. 

“I can’t blame it on anyone else. I can’t say I was acting in defense. Or even that it was an act of passion. It was because I thought it was the right thing to do. And yeah, I know that sounds weird. It still does to me too. But this person was threatening my father. And one thing you have to understand is that my father and I have a complicated relationship.” He sits up and turns to face me. “My father doesn’t like me. He never has. He’s loved my sister, Sarah, though. She was always his little angel. And I was the son who could do no right. This is why I tried everything in my power to get him to like me. I did everything he wanted me to. I did everything I thought he’d want me to. I tried so hard. I wasted so much energy. I… I aimed all my anger at my father to everyone else around me.” 

He quickly sits up and starts fiddling with his hands. I just look u to him, too comfortable to sit up just yet.

“I didn’t know it when I did it, but my father was a bad person. The worst. He killed multiple people. I guess I know where I get it from at least. After everything, my dad made the weird choice to take the blame for the murder I committed. He did the first and only nice thing he’s ever done for me. I don’t know why he did it. But it didn’t change much. Sarah, her friends, and all that matter know what I did. They all hate me for it.”

I finally sit up with him.

“After my father went to jail, things were strange. Strange, but getting better. I went to a therapist. I spent more time on my own. I was doing well in school. Kelce and Topper forgave my craziness. But… but then my father managed to convince a judge, most likely in a not so legal way, to release him to house arrest. He was home by Christmas. Then things changed once more. Sarah doesn’t speak to him. I avoid him. Our step-mom divorced him. He wouldn’t pay for my therapist anymore. It just all went back to the way it was.” Rafe looks straight at the ocean. “So, you see… whatever you’ve done. Whatever you’ve said. It can’t be worse than me. You can’t be worse than me. I’m the worst there is.”

“No, you’re not.” He turns to me. “You’d only be a bad person if you never realize what you did was wrong. You’re trying to do better. To be better.”

“That’s not how others see it.”

“Screw what others think.” I immediately see the hypocrisy of the statement and start laughing.

“Um… everything okay?”

“It’s actually great.” I can’t stop smiling. “I’ve been so stupid.”

“What?”

“I’ve been holding everything in. I’ve been holding back everything for months. All I’ve wanted is friends, family, and love. But all I’ve done is care about what everyone else thinks of me. I’ve put on a smile. I’ve laughed at everyone’s jokes. I’ve tried so hard to get people to like me that I haven’t been… me.” 

“Well, I can honestly say I like the real you. Especially when you laugh. It’s a good laugh.”

“You barely know me.”

“But I’d love to learn more.”

“I guess… only because you’ve been so forthcoming.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“But I think I do.” 

So I begin. I tell him of the years of abuse. How my mother and I were too weak to fight back, until the night on a snowy road where I fought back, which caused the crash, which caused my mother’s death. I mentioned that fight with my dad. His death. Coming here. Then I mention the events of tonight. I leave out all the JJ stuff, but I’m pretty sure he gets the gist.

“Wow.”

“That’s it?”

“Wow.” We both just laugh.

“You’ve gotta say more than that.”

“And I thought I was messed up.”

“Rafe!” He just starts laughing.

“I’m just kidding.” He looks into my eyes. “Thanks for telling me everything.”

“It actually feels good to get it out. It even felt good doing it earlier.”

“I guess the truth doesn’t have to hurt.”

“It doesn’t have to unless you use it as a weapon as I did on that boat. There’s no way any of them are going to speak to me again. They probably think I’m crazy.”

“Probably.” I look at him. “I’m just joking… kinda.” He laughs. “I may not like those guys. And they clearly don’t like me. But they’re good people. They may need some time, but they’ll understand. Just let them come to you.”

“For someone so evil, you are quite wise.”

“I try.” We both laugh. “By the way, I wanted to apologize for what happened at the club.”

“Thanks, but it wasn’t just you. I could’ve stopped it. I just don’t think I wanted to.”

“I’m still sorry. I even tried getting you your job back. But my dad’s name only goes so far these days.”

“It’s no problem. I’m a fighter. I’ll find another job.”

“Actually, I already have.”

“What?”

“I talked to my dad. Since he’s on house arrest and he needs someone to take care of the boats and the outside of the house. No one in town wants to work for our family anymore for obvious reasons so you’d be paid quite well.”

“Yeah. Yeah. That sounds good to me.”

“Don’t say yes right away. Think about it. Please. He’s not an easy man to work for. He’ll put you to work.”

“I can handle hard work, but sure… I’ll think about it.”

“This was fun.”

“It’s not over yet.” I place a hand on his thigh, but he quickly moves it off.

“Parker. It’s been a long night. I don’t think it’s the best time for this. Maybe when things have calmed down.”

“Yeah… by the way, I do have a small question.”

“Sure.”

“Did you get into a fight with JJ?”

“God no!”

“Sorry just wondering.”

“Honestly I would be wondering if it were me too.”

“Then what happened with your hand?”

“Got in an argument with my dad and punched a hole in my bedroom.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Obviously I have some anger issues to still work on.”

“We both do.”

This evening paints a new light on Rafe. I find myself seeing him as more than just some boy I want to touch all over. I’m seeing him as a person. A person with a troubled past. With issues similar to mine. And someone who understands me for me. It feels weird but nice. Like I don’t have to hold my breath around him. I can let go and just be.

“We should leave in a little. Don’t want you getting into any trouble.” Rafe turns to me.

“In a little.” I turn the lantern off and lay back down.

Rafe lays down next to me and we both stare up at the stars.

_ “I love the stars. _

_ Because they can’t say anything. _

_ I love the stars. _

_ Because they do not judge anyone.” _

“Who said that?”

“Natsuki Takaya”

“Who the hell’s that?” We both just laugh.


	7. Episode 7

“Fuck!” I wake up to see Rafe sitting up.

“What’s going on?” I rub my eyes and sit up.

“We fell asleep. It’s almost 10!” I look around and notice the beautiful sun lighting up the town.

“So?”

“So? My dad’s gonna be pissed!”

“Just tell him you woke up early to go see the sunrise.”

“He won’t believe that.”

“You never know.”

“Fine. I’ll try it. But can we just get going?”

“One second. Look at the ocean.”

He stops to look. It’s just as beautiful as it was at night, just different. We can see dolphins in the distance. There are a ton of boats of all sizes roaming. The beaches are starting to get crowded. It’s all busy, but in a beautiful way. The way people move around in similar patterns. It all just makes you realize how small the world is and just how similar we all are.

“Can we go now?”

“Sure.”

* * *

“Text me.”

“I will.” I step out of Rafe’s car.

“Feel free to use that spot whenever you need it.”

“Thanks. I’ll definitely be needing it after this.”

“Just be honest. Tell her exactly how you feel.”

“Thanks.” He just smiles before driving off.

I walk up to the back door and into the kitchen.

“Parker! My god!” Grams sits up from the table and nearly runs over to me. “Where the hell have you been?”

“Just with friends.”

“Really? Last night Taylor stopped by wondering if you were okay. Then this morning I get visits a Sarah and John B. they were all wondering if you were home and doing well. What the hell happened? Why are people asking me if you’re okay?”

“Can we just sit?” She says nothing but follows me to the table. “I’ve been holding in a lot of stuff. For a long time.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“About… my dad… he…” I can feel my body getting tense.

“Parker…”

“No. I need to finish.” She just smiles. “He used to hurt me. Beat me. Yell at me. And… when I attacked him… he was beating me and threw my mom’s urn.”

“Sweetie.” She reaches over and grabs my hands. “I know.”

“What?”

“Well, I knew about him beating you. I realized it when you were young. I was visiting for Christmas and you had a lot of bruises. I talked to him about it.”  
“You did?”

“Yeah. we got in a huge fight about it. That’s why I stopped coming. I couldn’t stand to see it.” She starts crying. “I’m so sorry.”

“Grams.” I grip her hands. “It’s not your fault.”

“But I could’ve stopped it. Tried harder. Gotten you and your mother out of there. I think about it every night.”  
“You couldn’t have done anything. None of us could.”

“But…” She reaches for the tears and starts wiping them.

“It’s over now. That’s all that matters. I’ve trying so hard to just let it all out and move on finally. And you need to do it as well.”

“You’re quite wise.” She smiles.

“I wouldn’t go that far. Just had a good talk last night.”

“Sounds like it.” She stands up. “You want some lunch? I can make you something. We can watch a movie. We can bake like we did when you were young.”

“That sounds amazing Grams… but maybe tomorrow? I’ve got something I need to do.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Of course.” She sniffles and wipes her tears, smiling.

“Love you.” I go in and hug her.

“Love you.”

* * *

When I was trying to think of the best way to fix things with everyone, I realized it would be easier to talk to them all at once. But how to get them together? I doubt they’d all come if I just asked them to. So I texted Taylor, but no response. So I go with my next best hope, Sarah. I text her, and no response. So then I text Rafe. Ask if Sarah’s home. She is. So I get on my bike and head off.

When I arrive I just stand out in the driveway. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I don’t know what she’s going to do when she sees me. Will she listen? Will she run? 

“Parker.” Rafe comes out the back door. “Hey. How you doing?”

“Nervous. Anxious. Stressed. Other synonyms.” We both laugh.

“Sarah’s nice. Too nice. She’ll at least listen to you.”

“Really?”

“Trust me. I know her quite well.”

“Thanks.”

“No prob. Gotta get going. Talk to you later?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s out back on the boat by the way,” Rafe says before riding off on his motorbike.

I walk around back, feeling more nervous each step I get closer. I see the boat. I see her. It looks like she’s moving boxes. She notices me when I get closer. She immediately smiles, which makes me feel a bit more comfortable and ready for this. She steps off the boat and onto the dock to meet me.

“Hey.” I find my hand shaking as I say it.

“Hey.” She walks up to me. “Sorry I didn’t answer your text. I just didn’t know what to say.”

“It’s fine. I understand. It’s complicated.” I take in a deep breath. “Can we talk? Just for a minute.”

“Yeah. Of course. Let’s talk on the boat.” She steps on the boat and I follow behind her.

But just as step on the boat it’s like a wave of memories hit me. Seeing where I stood yesterday. Seeing where I exploded. I can feel my breathing speeding up. But then, just as I’m ready to run away I hear Sarah’s voice.

“It’s okay. We can go and talk somewhere else.” I look up to see her.

“No. It’s fine here.” I step all the way on. “I’ve gotta be able to deal with it.”  
“That’s good.” She sits down and I go down next to her.

“The first thing I need to say is that I’m absolutely 100% sorry. I am so sorry for snapping at you. At scaring you. For everything I said and did.”

“It’s fine Parker. It’s really fine.”

“It’s not though. I’ve held in a lot my entire life and yesterday it just snapped. It had nothing to do with any of you.”

“We all know that.”

“We?”

“We didn’t really talk after everything that happened. Taylor was the first to leave. Then I left with John B. I’ve only really talked to him about it. He’s fine with you. Really. I think we were just worried about you. Worried you might… harm yourself.”

“Oh, I didn’t want you guys to be worried. I’m so sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. You worry about those you care about. We’re all friends. All we care about is that you’re alright.”

“That…” I can feel tears building up. “That means the world to me. To hear…”

“Well, it’s true. And I’m sure the others will tell you the same thing.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. They’re just afraid to say anything that will make it worse.”

“That’s why I came here. I was thinking it would be easier to talk to everyone at once. Maybe have everyone over to hang out and tell my story.”

“I think that sounds great. How ‘bout we do it here?”

“That would be great.” I rub my eyes.

“You good?”

“Just tired. Tired of everything.” I look at her and smile.

“I get it. Life isn’t easy sometimes.”

“It really isn’t.”

“Maybe you just need to get away for some time. Take a little vacation.”

“I would if I could.”

“You have any family anywhere else?”

“No. The only family I have is my Grams.”

“That sucks. Maybe we can have a nice beach day this weekend?”

“Sure that sounds good.”

Sarah walks me to my bike. She tells me she’ll text everyone. It’s planned for tomorrow night. She’s very confident that things will get better and everyone will be fine. Her confidence makes me more confident. I start feeling ready for tomorrow. Ready to heal. Ready to move on. But there’s still just one thought left on my mind.

“Have you talked to JJ?” She looks at me, a small smile.

“Was wondering if you’d ask about him.”  
“Well?”

“No. Neither has John B.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I hop on my bike.

“He can be a bit stubborn, but he’ll understand. More than anyone else really.”

“Hopefully.” I ride off.

I bike over to JJ’s house. When I get there I just stand outside. I stand there and think about what to say. Where do I start? Probably with an “I’m sorry.”. But what if he slams the door on my face? Do I keep talking? Do I just wait? Maybe he’s not even here.

“Fuck.” I snap myself out of my head and just walk up to the door.

I knock on it. I hear a slight movement in the house, but no one answers the door. I knock again.

“JJ…” I step back and try to see if I can see him at any of the windows. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m inviting everyone to a small get together tomorrow night. I wanted to get everyone together to talk. To apologize. To clear the air. But… but something in me really wanted to talk to you first.” I take a seat on the front steps. “I”m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I can hear some more movement from inside the house. “I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself for snapping at you. You didn’t deserve that. It didn’t have anything to do with you. I’ve got so many issues and I’m going to start working hard to fix them. I’m going to work hard so that I never treat anyone the same way I treated you.” I stand up and step away from the house. “I hope to see you tomorrow. I’m so sorry.” I get on my bike and ride off.


	8. Episode 8

I’ve been standing down the street from Sarah’s for more than 20 minutes now. I was going to come early and help set up. But when I got down the street I found myself stopping. I got off my bike and have been standing here since. I can see the house in the distance. 

“Hey.” I jump when I hear Sarah’s voice.

“Hey.” I turn to see her and John B in his van next to me.

“You comin’?” John is looking good as always.

“Yeah. Be there in a minute.”

They both smile and continue driving. I stand there for another three or four minutes before getting back on my bike. When I park my bike by the dock I can see everyone on the boat. They’re all smiling, talking, and relaxed. Some part of me doesn’t want to go near it. Doesn’t want to destroy their joy. Then Sarah pops out from behind me with a bag of chips.

“You good?”

“Totally. I feel crippling anxiety and on top of it all, I have a massive headache. It’s all good” We both laugh.

“So... I just wanted to tell you that JJ isn’t coming.”

“Oh…”

“He texted saying he wasn’t feeling well.” Sure…

“Ok.”

“It’s fine. Once you talk to everyone else he’ll jump on board.”

“Yeah.”

“See you up there. Everyone’s excited to see you.”

Sarah runs off and I find my body frozen. What if JJ doesn’t ever want to see me again? What if the others agree with him? Is this the wrong move? Will this just push them all further away? Will I ever be able to make friends again? Am I too messed up? Should I start learning how to knit? Maybe gardening? 

“Hey, weirdo!” I hear from far away and turn to see Rafe standing outside the house. “Go.” He laughs at me and walks into the house.

I repeat it in my head. Go. Again. Go. Go. Go. I step forward. Go. I start to breathe. Go. Go. I step onto the boat. Everyone immediately turns to me. Most of them smile, Taylor still looks like she did that night, afraid.

“Hey.” Every part of my body is shaking.

“Hey.” They all say weird at different times on different levels ranging from excited to scared.

“I’m going to be completely honest with you guys and let you know that right now I am scared to death about this. My heart feels like it’s about to jump out of my chest and I’m this close to peeing my pants.”

“Oh. Okay.” John B says and we all laugh a little, lightening the mood a little.

“I’m also going to be completely honest about everything else. The other day…” I look at them all looking at me, the complete attention freaks me out. “Wow, I really should’ve written some note cards. I have someone forgot my entire life with a single look from all of you.” I nervously laugh and they either laugh because they think it’s funny or to just make me feel better. “No, but really, I’m so so so so so so sorry. I can’t say it enough. Well, I could, but then I might eventually die from dehydration.” I don’t know why I’m trying to crack jokes right now.

“Parker.” Sarah looks to me to breathe.

“Thanks. So I was trying to figure out where to begin this… story per se. And I guess the easiest way is to just start when I was five. I would say that’s the time it began. It could’ve been earlier. But it’s the first memory I have of it. When I was playing with my toys in the living room of our old townhome. He stepped on when. Got very angry. Then threw it at me. Hit me in the eye. He blamed me for it. Told everyone I hit myself while playing. Stuff like that continued for a while. Then I was able to talk back. I couldn’t help it. I knew I couldn’t physically take him, so I would say things. But that just made him say things back He used to tell me I was a mistake. He would say ‘you’re just the product of a drunk night and faulty condom’. I had no idea what a condom was until later.” I hear a few chuckles.

“When I was ten I not only knew I was gay, but I told my mom. I didn’t feel comfortable telling my dad. But, as always, he found out. He realized my mom was hiding something. He thought she was cheating on him. But instead of attacking her, he attacked me, knowing it would hurt her more. He grabbed me by the throat. Then threw me against our Christmas tree. Oh yeah, it was Christmas Eve! I got multiple cuts from the broken ornaments. That’s when my mom just shouted I was gay. My dad just walked out of the house after that. The next morning, Christmas, our tree and all the presents were gone. There was a bonfire in the backyard.”

“After that, I stopped talking back. I stopped doing anything that could anger him. I went to school. Came home. Did well in all my classes. Sat silent at dinner. Only left my room when I needed to. Except for the few times I snuck out. He did the same. I’m pretty sure we didn’t say a word to each other for the first year. After that, it was nothing but ‘hi’ and ‘good morning’. But then came last Christmas.” I can feel my chest tightening, but breath through it. “We were driving to our lake house in Ithaca. It was two days before Christmas. I was in the back seat. My mom was driving and my dad was in the passenger seat getting annoyed with the radio and taking swigs from his flask. Then my mom made the wrong turn. She must’ve just been distracted. But then that angered my dad. He was already angry with the radio not working and had a fair amount of his flask.”

“So… he really flew off the deep end. Immediately he started shouting at her. The road… it was covered in an inch or two of snow. My mom just sat there, silent. She did nothing to stop him. I could see her hands shaking. The car was swerving a bit. It would go slightly into the other lane, then back towards the woods. I saw something bad about to happen. So I tried to stop it. I yelled. Loudly. Shouted at him. Told him to stop. And immediately he swung his arm back at me. Instinctively I swung back. My arm hit his. And his arm went right at my mom. He hit her in the bead. His head went forward and next I know the car was flipping.” Tears start rolling down my face.

“Here.” Kiara hands me some tissues.

“Thanks.” I take a deep breath in and let one out. “I woke up in the hospital after that. They told me a trucker found us and called the police. By the time the ambulance arrived my mom was already dead. They said she died immediately. Hit her head on the window.” My head is trembling. “And my dad had nothing but some scratches and a concussion. I had broken my left hand.” I show them the scar from the surgery. “Then a concussion as well as fractured rib. I was in the hospital for a few weeks. I didn’t see my dad once then. The nurses said he was allowed to go home the morning after we arrived. I had to take a taxi home after my surgeries were done. When I got home he didn’t speak to me. But he was drunk. He was always drunk after that.”

“For a month he just didn’t speak. We rarely even saw each other. I spent all my time as far as I could from home. He spent all his days drinking in front of the TV. But then something changed. He started getting angrier. Worse than he had ever gotten before. He would throw things. Yell at me when I wasn’t even in the room. I would wake up to him yelling at me. I would go to sleep with him yelling at me. And he always said the same thing. He told me… he told me I should’ve died. That it was all my fault and I should’ve been the one to die that day.” Sarah goes to put her hand on my shoulder but I flinch and she backs up.

“Sorry.” I look to her and apologize. “After you get told something over and over. Every day. Every night. You begin to hear it in your head. Eventually, I began to believe it. And I never really realized it until, well… the other day. I truly believed the words he said. And part of me still does. Something in me still believes that I should be the dead one.” I take a minute to wipe my tears and blow my nose.

“It was almost two months ago that I came home late from work and he was in one of his moods. The house was destroyed. It always was. I gave up cleaning it after a month. I walked straight to my room. But on the way, I guess I made too much noise and he woke up from his drunken slumber. He immediately jumped from the couch and charged at me. I remember feeling like a bull was running at me. Instinctively I reacted and grabbed a bat from the floor. I swung it at him. Hit him square in the head. Knocked him right out. Or so I thought. I was running to my room when I heard him starting to throw things. I was ready to hide in my room when I heard him shouting about my mom. He was calling her a bitch. Saying she was a slut.”

“I walked back out to the living room and saw him holding my mom’s urn. He was shouting at it. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared. So I just slowly walked up to him. But he saw me and turned to me with a knife in his other hand. He just started shouting random things. None of it really made sense. Then I took a step back. I guess it freaked him out. He threw the urn across the room. It shattered against the wall. In the moment I… I blacked out. I can’t honestly say I know what happened. When I came to I was sitting on top of him. His… his dead body. My hands were in pain. I had a few cuts on my arms. His face was… it was unrecognizable.” I start fidgeting with my hands.

“I sat there. Didn’t move an inch. Not until the police showed up. The neighbors called. They took me in. I was in handcuffs and sitting in a blank grey room for hours. Didn’t say a word. Didn’t know if it was real. The police seemed to think I had started it all. It didn’t help that my dad was friends with half of them. But then this female officer came in. She was very kind. She even looked a bit like my mom. She gave me some water and just sat there. We sat there for almost an hour before I spoke. I was surprised that she believed everything. After that, I was uncuffed and just sat there as I waited for my Grams to arrive.” I finally take a deep breath, realizing I’m almost done with this.

“Social services gave custody of me to my Grams. And that’s when I moved here. I quickly got a job. Something to keep me busy. Something to keep my mind off everything. It obviously didn’t work well. I’ve been getting angrier and angrier. The smallest things making me snap. And that day. That day I started to see him. I could see my dad in the mirror. I saw him on the docks. I saw him on the boat. He was just taunting me. That, and all the alcohol, and seeing JJ in that cast. It flipped something in me. It felt so familiar. And I realized it while I was yelling. I felt the same anger I had felt that day that I killed my dad. So I ran. It’s the only thing I could think of. I didn’t want o hurt any of you guys. And I couldn’t if I just left.” I wipe my nose.

“And that’s really it. Oh, and I talked to my Grams about this all yesterday. I saw a therapist this morning. I’m going to be seeing her twice a week. I’ve obviously got some things to work on. I understand if any or all of you guys want to run. It’s a lot. I can’t promise something like what happened the other day won’t happen again. I wish I could. But that would probably be a lie.” I just stop and chug the water down, my throat beginning to feel sore.

I finally look around at everyone. Everyone is forcing a smile, but I can tell Kiara, Taylor, and Pope are holding back tears. Sarah just walks up to me and hugs me.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She says before stepping back.

“Me either.” John B just hugs Sarah and smiles at me.

Kiara and Pope walk up to me.

“Thanks for sharing that.” Kiara chokes up a bit. “If you wanna I can teach you to surf sometime.”

“That would be great. Thanks.” We hug.

Pope just looks at me and hugs me.

“We good man.” He says before stepping back.

I look to Taylor. She is just looking at the floor. I walk up to here. She moves her head up and I can see tears going down her face.

“Don’t cry.”

“I can’t stop.” She starts laughing.

“I get it.” I laugh with her.

“I’m so sorry.”

“About what?”

“About not helping you. Not knowing you needed help. I would’ve. I so would’ve.”

“I know. I know. But I didn’t even know I needed help. All you can do is what you’ve always done. Been a good friend.”

“Well, I can do that in my sleep.” We all laugh.

“Good.” I hand her some tissues. “Is that all? I turn to everyone. “Cuz I’m so tired now.”

“Drinks? Food? Movie?” Sarah says and everyone starts smiling and nodding.

Quickly everyone starts walking to grab some food and drinks. Some light banter starts happening and I can feel it all slowly returning to normal. But I walk to Sarah knowing something is off.

“Hey.” I pull her off to the side.

“Hey. What’s up?’

“I really want to hang with you guys right now, but there’s someone else I have to talk to first.”

“I understand.” I can tell she knows who I’m talking about. “I’ll let them know.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

“JJ!” I walk up to his house, not even trying to ring the doorbell. “JJ!” The front porch light turns on. “I’m not leaving!” I am energized now. “I will stay here all night! I’ve got no other plans, an empty bladder, and a shit ton of energy!” I start walking back and forth in front of the stairs. “I could start singing? Maybe some country? Or what about some Disney?” I start laughing. “Oh wait! I know the perfect song!” I face the house. “Let it go! Let it go!”

“Stop.” The front door opens and JJ walks out. “Please.” He is trying hard to hold back a smile.

“Sorry. Had to get you out here.”

“You suck at singing.” It’s all he says as he steps out. 

“Thanks. I work hard on it.” He laughs a little but stops himself from continuing.

“What do you want?” He takes a seat on the steps.

“I gathered everyone and told them everything. I apologized. I’m ready to let it all go. I’m finally starting to move on from all my shit. But for some reason… I can’t move on unless I know you forgive me. Every time I think about you I fill up with regret. With sadness.” He’s keeping a poker face. “I could tell you my sad story. I could tell you everything I told the others. But something tells me it doesn’t matter. Something tells me you’re dealing with your own shit and none of this really has to do with me.”

“What?”

“It hit me earlier. I don’t really know why. I just remember seeing you on the boat with the cast and crutch. And I realized I haven’t heard you ever mention your dad. I’ve never heard anyone mention your dad before. I’ve been so busy with my drama that I haven’t asked you if you were okay. I tried going to the hospital to see you. Trust me. I really did. But I have a rough history with hospitals and freaked out. Ran away.”

“You came?”

“Yeah. And this time I’m not running. I’m here until all is good again.”

“Well, what if I just don’t talk to you?”

“Well, you already are.”

“Well, what if I stop.”

“You haven’t yet. You’re actually talking quite a bit.”

“Oh shut the fuck up.” He can’t help but laugh a little.

“Telling me to ‘shut the fuck up’ is also still talking.”

“Fuck you.” He runs down the stairs and up to me, planting a big kiss on my lips.

It’s like lightning strikes. Everything I was thinking goes away. My body completely relaxes. For a solid minute, I am in heaven. Then I remember why I’m here. I don’t want to, but I stop kissing him and step back.

“What’s wrong? If you didn’t get it, that means all is good.”

“Oh, I get it.” I just want to run my hands through his hair and go into that house all night. “But I can’t. Or shouldn’t. I started a new therapist and she suggests that I stay away from new relationships for a while.”

“Oh, what does she know?”

“I agree with her.” This is so hard to say right now. “I hope we can still be friends though. I really like being friends with you.”

“I guess so. You’re not too bad a friend either.”

“Oh such high praise.”

“The highest.” We both laugh.

“Now… everyone is on Sarah’s boat relaxing and watching a movie. Wanna go and catch the rest of it?”

“Sure. My bike’s broken though.”

“Then hop on.” I get on my bike and JJ jumps on behind me. “You good?” I turn around, his head on my shoulder.

“Great.” He puts his hands on my waist.

This is gonna be hard…


	9. Episode 9

It’s been a fun week. I’ve spent every day just hanging out with my friends. We’ve gone to the beach. We’ve gone cruising on the boat. I’ve spent almost every night sleeping at either John B’s, JJ’s, or Sarah’s boat. It’s honestly been one of the best weeks of my life. And tonight… today we’re going somewhere. I don’t know where. It’s a surprise. But I’m excited. I’m excited to let loose and have fun while I can. Because soon enough I’m going to start working at Sarah’s.

I had an “interview” a few days ago with Sarah and Rafe’s dad, Ward Cameron. He mostly just listed the things I would need to do. I can arrive anytime I’d like each day, just as long as things got done on time. He was also kinda really hot. I see where Rafe gets it from. 

But I don’t start that job until Monday. So I’ve got just a few days left to stay up all night and have fun. 

“Hey I’m going to game night tonight, will you be staying at your friend’s again?” Grams walks downstairs and into the kitchen.

“Oh. Yeah. I’ll probably stay at JJ’s again.”

“Ok. And don’t forget your therapist appointment tomorrow morning.”

“Of course.”

“Are you doing well?” She looks me in the eyes.

“I’m great.”

“Happy to hear that.” She goes to the door. “Parker. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

“Movie night soon?”

“Of course. Comedy? Action? Horror?”

“Mamma Mia?” We both laugh.

“Of course.”

“Have fun.”

“You too.” She leaves.

* * *

“Bitch! Come on!” I hear Kiara shouting from outside the house.

I suddenly realize what time it is and run downstairs and out the front door. I run over to John B’s van and jump in, everyone sitting there greeting me. 

“So what’re we doing today?” I look around and they all just shrug their shoulders. “John B, where we going?” He looks back in the rearview mirror and just smiles. “Really?”

“They won’t tell us anything,” Kiara says and I look to Sarah in the passenger seat.

“What?” She smirks and then tells John B to turn left.

“My guess is the beach.” Pope chimes in.

“What? How dumb can you be?” JJ jumps up. “We go to the beach every day. It’s gotta be something special.”

“What? We like the beach.” Pope has that dopey innocent look he always gets.

“My guess is Corolla.” Taylor puts her guess in.

“Maybe.” Kiara reaches for a blanket.

“No.” That’s all JJ says.

“Then where do you think we’re going?” Pope looks to JJ.

“Somewhere.”

“Oh! Bullshit!” Kiara gets close to him.

“Come on. Tell us.” I look at him and he just smirks. 

“Kitty Hawke,” JJ says and Sarah immediately turns around, and everyone notices. “Told ya.”

“How’d you know?” Sarah is as surprised as the rest of us.

“Wait! He’s right?” Kiara and Taylor say at the same time.

“What can I say? I’m a genius.” Everyone just laughs at that.

“Really? How’d you know?” Pope asks him.

“I’m clairvoyant.” JJ laughs at his joke.

“Oh shut up!” John B chimes in. “He knows. I told him when we picked him up.”

“Fuck!” Sarah and I shout.

“You little bitch!” Kiara jumps forward at him and they start wrestling each other.

Legs and arms start smacking into me and everyone else. We all just start laughing and egging them on. We all start cheering for Kiara, who eventually gets JJ in a headlock and gives him the classic noogie.

* * *

“So what are we doing here?” JJ asks as he is the last to get out of the van.

“What? Don’t you know?” Kiara nudges him.

“Haha. Seriously, we’re in the middle of the woods.”

“We’re just going on a short hike,” Sarah says as she grabs a backpack from the van.

“Hike? Oh hell no.” JJ sits against the back of the van.

“Come on dude. It’s gonna be fun. There’s a surprise at the end of it.” John B grabs him by the hand and stands him back up.

“I do like surprises… fine. Let’s get going then.”

We all head into the woods. It’s quite beautiful. The trees are grand. They stand tall above us all. Walking through everyone is just talking, laughing, and taking swigs from John B’s flask. I watch from behind. I see them all enjoying themselves. They’re all laughing. They’re all just enjoying things. And unlike before, I am enjoying it with them. I’m happy. I’m relaxed. I’m moving on.

“Hey.” JJ snaps me out of my head. “Want a swig?” He hands me the flask.

“Thanks.” I take a very large swig.

“You good? You’ve been hanging behind us for a while now.”

“I’m good. Just taking it all in.”

“I guess it’s kinda nice out here.” He looks around. “Besides the bugs.” I laugh.

“Yeah. It’s pretty cool.” I look at him. “Can I be honest with you?”

“What? There’s more you haven’t told me?”

“Well…”

“Yeah. Of course. You always can.”

“I really like you. Like really really like you.”

“Oh…” 

“I’ve really liked you since that first night we met. And I still don’t think I’m ready for anything serious, but I just wanted to make sure you had the full picture.”

“Thanks.” He just leaves it at that and we continue walking without another word.

I grab the flask from his hand and take a large swig before JJ grabs my wrist. He doesn’t say anything. He just looks me in the eyes and smiles. I smile back. It’s like I can feel him talking to me.

“Hey losers! We’re here!” Sarah turns to us and JJ immediately lets go of me.

“Whoo!” JJ runs ahead, full of energy.

Sarah just looks at me as JJ runs ahead.

“What?” I walk up to her.

“Nothin…” She laughs. “Come on. There’s a surprise.”

We walk through this small bamboo forest and out to a tall and beautiful waterfall. The waterfall goes into a medium-sized body of water. It not only looks beautiful, but it sounds better. The sound of the crashing water hits me. My entire body relaxes.

“Come on losers!” Kiara shouts from the top of the waterfall where everyone else is standing.

“Come on,” Sarah says before running up.

I follow behind her, climbing up this ridiculously steep hill. We eventually make it up there and everyone is taking sips from the flask that Kiara brought.

“Lord you guys took forever.” Kiara grabs Taylor’s hand. “You ready?” She looks at her. 

“Fuck me.” I can see Taylor grip Kiara’s hand very tight.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” They both run forward and off the cliff.

We all rush forward to look at them crash into the water. After a few seconds, we hear screaming from down below for us to come. Pope is the next to go. He runs and screams the entire way down. John B and Sarah go while holding hands, doing a crazy flip in the air. Then I look around for JJ, who’s standing far back from the ledge. I walk up to him. His eyes are wide open and he is shaking.

“You good?” 

“Yeah. Fine.” He reaches for my hand and grips it tightly.

“You sure?”

“Maybe you could hold my hand until I jump?”

“Of course.” I open my mouth to speak, but JJ just looks at me and I can tell he doesn’t want to hear anything at the moment.

We stand there for maybe five minutes. Neither of us says a word. He just stares forward. Then he looks at me. He smiles.

“Thanks.” He says before letting go of my hand and running forward, jumping off the cliff.

“Fuck it,” I shout to myself and run forward.

* * *

We’ve been swimming around, drinking, playing games, and just genuinely having fun. The sun went down and Sarah took out multiple lanterns that have beautifully, along with the full moon, lit up the entire area. 

“Come on guys. We should dry off and get going.” Sarah says as she hands a towel to John B.

“What’s up next?” Kiara asks as she, Taylor, and Pope all get out.

“Dinner, then a club.” John B says, throwing towels to everyone.

I watch as JJ walks out of the water, his abs glistening. I stare as he shakes his wet hair then runs his hands through it. He looks back to me for a second, this glowing smile that makes my body heat up.

“You coming?” I snap out of it when I realize JJ is speaking to me.

“Yeah.” He throws me a towel and I quickly cover up my growing bulge.

* * *

Dinner was nice. Just a diner that Sarah has gone to before. Good food. Good conversation. Good fun. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing crazy. But my brain and body can only think about one thing… JJ. I don’t know why it’s only hitting me now. I’ve been hanging with him all week and not once was I distracted by that adorable smile, or how his biceps bulge each time he reaches across me for something, or how his hair gets blown by the wind and shows off his amazing cheekbones. Oh god, I’m doing it again.

So yeah, we finish dinner, then head over to this club that Sarah says is the best in the Outer Banks, and let’s just about anyone in.

When we walk in the entire place is filled with people. Lights are strobing, people are dancing, and the music is vibrating the floor. Everyone quickly runs to the dance floor. But I just stand there. I watch everyone start to dance. It all looks like so much fun.

But being in this club truly reminds me of my past. It brings me back to things I wish I could forget. But with each thump of the music and each light shining in my face, memories start to hit. They smack me upside the head like a bat. It starts to feel very warm. The air gets very thick. 

“Hey.” JJ snaps me out of it as he runs up to me. “Come on.” He grabs my hand and drags me out to the dance floor with everyone else. “Just let go.” He whispers into my ear before the song suddenly changes.

The beat starts going strong right away. I feel my body moving with it. Taylor comes up to me and starts dancing with me. The others all come in and we just dance in this circle. John B and Sarah, of course, dance very very close to each other, but the rest of us all dance like we’re a family. It all feels very comforting. 

* * *

Time just flies by. For hours we’re dancing, drinking, grinding, getting sweaty, and laughing up a storm. I get to see Pope dance, which I will never be able to and would never want to forget. 

But eventually, the music gets to me and my head begins to hurt. So I stumble my way out of the club. The second that cold fresh hits my lungs I feel like I’m a new person. I walk down the street a little and into this semi-lit alley. I feel very exhausted. This stinging in my head is killing me. It’s getting stronger. 

Suddenly a hand on my shoulder freaks me out and I immediately turn around and swing my fist.

“Fuck!” JJ screams as I hit him in the face and his nose begins to bleed. 

“Oh shit!” I immediately reach for him, but he moves back. “I’m so sorry! So so sorry!”

“It’s fine.”

“No. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Really. It’s actually kinda funny.” JJ starts to laugh.

“What?”

“Well, I’m usually the one punching people out of nowhere. Now I know how those other people always feel.” His laughing starts to make me laugh.

“Hey what’s going on?” Sarah asks as she walks over with Kiara.

“What the fuck happened?” Kiara notices the blood.

JJ and I just look at each other before we start laughing. Sarah and Kiara look at us like we’re crazy, but that only makes us laugh more.

“I think it’s a good time to head home.” Sarah looks to Kiara. “Can you go get the others?”

“Yeah.” Kiara heads off.

“Everything good?” Sarah looks to us.

“Perfect,” JJ says, looking over to me, smiling that adorable smile.

* * *

Eventually, we arrive back at my Grams’. After dropping off Kiara, Taylor, and Pope, we’re finally here. My entire body is sore and I’m so ready for bed. I get out of the car and say goodbye to John B. Sarah’s asleep and snoring this cute little snore. JJ gets out of the car with me. 

“Tonight was so much fun.”

“It was.”

“Sorry about the nose.”

“No problem. I’ve had worse.”

“That’s what they all say.” We both laugh.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I open the front door and immediately I’m frozen. In an instant, my entire body freezes. My brain shuts down. My body fails. I collapse down to my knees, the smack of my knees hitting vibrating through my ears. The ringing continues. I hear nothing but that ringing. My entire body feels cold.

“Parker! Parker!” JJ’s voice feels muzzled and like he’s miles away.

When JJ’s hands touch my shoulder something feels weird. I can see his hands, but I just can’t feel them. It’s distracting. I just can’t stop thinking about his hands. Why don’t I feel them? Is something wrong with me? What could be wrong?

“Oh my god…” I hear JJ’s voice echo in my head. “John B! Sarah!”

For some reason, the sound of the creaky wooden stairs sounds like it’s blasting in my ear. 

“Oh…” Sarah’s voice sounds weird when I hear it, distorted in some way, deeper. “John B. Call an ambulance!”

I look forward again. Water is blocking my vision. I touch my face and feel the water running down. I don’t really comprehend what is going on. It all feels like a dream I’ve had before.

“Parker… Parker…” I can’t tell who is speaking this time, it feels like it’s in my head.

None of this is real. It can’t be.

I look forward and see Grams lying on the floor, her body pale and lifeless. 

This isn’t real. No way.

Or is it? Could it be?

When I see Sarah run-up to her it all begins to feel real again. She’s touching her body. Trying to give her CPR. Why would she do that? 

Then I vomit. It comes out of my mouth and I don’t move. It just plops to the floor, dripping over my chin. It tastes weird. Almost fishy. Did I eat fish? Did I just vomit? Why is Sarah looking at me? Why does she look so sad? Who’s that next to her? Is that… Grams? Why is she lying down? Is she… dead?

Everything fades away. My body shutting down.


	10. Episode 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE FINALE!!!!!

It repeats in my head. Over and over. Like little slides. One moment, then the next. But it all seems out of order. I fall to my knees. JJ says goodnight. I vomit. Sarah does CPR. then we drive up to the house. It all comes to me in small flashes. Over and over. Always in a different order. Always feeling just wrong. It all just feels so wrong. 

“Parker. Parker.” I keep hearing it. Repeating. Always sounding different. BUt neverending.

It’s been going on forever. It feels like days. Or maybe months. Maybe just minutes. Time feels like a concept that no longer applies to me.

But I feel nothing. No pain. No hunger. No anger. No sadness. Nothing.

Then it ends. The voices end. I hear nothing. I only see the bright white light in front of me. It’s flickering just a bit. Is that a fly? A small buzzing rings in my ears. Then this odd mechanical noise. 

Then it’s gone. The voices return. They repeat my name over and over. But then a voice pops out to me. It sounds different from the others. It feels warm. The voice feels like it pierces something in me. It starts pulling things out of me. I feel this sudden sadness. This pent up rage builds up behind it like a balloon waiting to pop. And then this weird feeling that I can’t quite place hits me. It’s small. It’s fragile. It’s hiding behind the others. But I feel that’s it’s one I should hold onto. The more I look at that feeling, the more I can begin to feel myself again. 

My body. It’s cold. It’s sore. There’s a breeze.

The darkness surrounding me begins to fade away. A ray of light opens. It surrounds me.

I open my eyes and see John B, Sarah, Kiara, Pope, Taylor, JJ, and Rafe all sitting around a very bright and cold hospital room. They’re all asleep. They look so peaceful. Uncomfortable, but peaceful. 

I don’t really know what to do now. But I just stand up. I see my clothes sitting on the table. I grab them and put them on. Then I just walk out of the room. I just start walking.

I walk to the elevator. I walk in and press the lobby button. I don’t know why I’m doing what I’m doing, but I just do it. I get to the lobby and there’s no one around. I just walk through the front doors and outside. It’s freezing. I can instantly feel the cold on my feet. Then I step onto the sidewalk and walk. I don’t understand where I’m going, but I just can’t fight it right now. I have no energy to fight back. 

For the most part, I walk without seeing a single car. Two or three cars stop to ask if I need help. I don’t say anything. I just walk. I don’t even notice when I reach the beach until my feet slip deep into the cold sand. It feels nice. It’s numbing. It’s peaceful. Everything feels a bit weird. The wave hits different. The moonlight feels tainted.

I turn to the woods and walk in until I reach a familiar tree and start climbing up the old ladder. When I reach the top I just lay down. It feels right. It feels like the place I need to be. I just stare up at the stars. 

“Thank god.” I open my eyes, the sun hitting my eyes like bullets.

I sit up and see Rafe crawling up next to me. I just look at him, then look back forward.

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere. We woke up and you were gone.”

He looks to me for a response, but I don’t know if I could speak right now. I feel his hand touch mine.

“Parker. We should get back to the hospital.” I turn to him and look him in the eyes. “Okay. Just five more minutes.”

Eventually, Rafe drives me back to the hospital. Immediately everyone rushes towards me. I feel like I should be happy. Or maybe even stressed. But no. I feel nothing. I just walk back upstairs with them. I get back in bed. I stare straight ahead.

I can hear them all speaking. One by one they ask me things. But none of it really hits me. It just goes in one ear and out the other.

“I need a shower.” I don’t really know why I say it, but I felt I needed to.

They all just look at me.

“There’s a shower right here.” I look at Sarah as she speaks. She has a very kind smile.

“No. I wanna go home. Shower there.”

“Let me talk to the nurse.” Sarah goes and Taylor follows behind her.

They all just look at me. I can feel them pitying me. I don’t like it.

“Does anyone have the remote?” None of them saw that coming, but I needed to say something.

“Here.” Pope hands me the remote and I turn the TV on.

The second it turns on I suddenly feel a whole lot more comfortable. The extra noise in the room feels like a weight lifted off me. I focus on the TV and the TV alone. I start flipping through the channels until some sitcom appears and I stop.

I find myself laughing at something on the show a few times. Each time I can feel everyone looking at me. A few minutes later Sarah and Kiara walk back in with a nurse. I look at her as she hands me some papers. She starts talking about things that make no sense. It all just washes over my head. All I really understand is that they want me to make sure I don’t have a concussion and that I should stay up all day and have someone with me. Then they want me back tomorrow for a check-up. I sign a few pieces of paper and that’s it. 

I get out of bed and find my shoes. I start putting them on. I look around the room and notice Rafe is no longer there.

“How ‘bout we all go back to my place and we have an all-night sleepover?” JJ tries to put some energy back in the room and everyone starts smiling and nodding along with it.

“I’m good.” I just walk to the door.

“Parker.” It’s Taylor. “The nurse said you shouldn’t be alone tonight. And after what happened you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I’m fine. I don’t need any of you.” I just walk out of the room and start rushing to the elevator. 

As the elevator door closes I can feel myself breathing again. But then the doors open again. I look up and see them all standing there.

“We’re not leaving you alone.” Taylor and Kiara walk into the elevator.

“You’re stuck with us.” John B says before he, JJ, and Pope come on.

“Sleepover at Parker’s I guess.” Sarah smiles and walks up next to me.

I ride in the van with John B, Sarah, and JJ while the others take another car to go and get “sleepover supplies”. When we arrive at the house John B and JJ go in with some stuff from the van. Sarah stays outside with me for a minute.

“You good? We can go in through the back.”

“No. I’m good.” I just walk in and upstairs.

I walk to my room and immediately close the door. I feel like this is the moment I should start crying. I should collapse against the back of the door as I hug my knees and sad music plays in the background. But I can’t. I couldn’t if I wanted to. I simply just take off my clothes and walk into the bathroom. I turn on the shower and go in. Immediately the col shower burns my skin. I turn the nozzle all the way around. The water quickly begins to heat up. It starts heating up to the point of near-boiling. It hurts but in the best way possible. It feels good to feel something again. I move my head under the water and just hold it there. I close my eyes. I let it all flow down me. I just stand and listen to each droplet hitting the ground. Feeling each drop rolling down my body.

“Parker. You alright?” I suddenly snap out of my trance from someone knocking on the bathroom door.

“Yeah.” I turn the water off and look out at the clock on the wall.

It’s been almost 30 minutes. 

I step out, dry off, and put on some fresh clothes. When I step out of my room I look straight ahead and see the door to my Grams’ room. I walk up to it. I can feel the cold air rushing under the door and onto my feet. It feels ominous. But I can’t stop staring down at the moonlight coming from her room. What’s in there? Is the window open? Should I check to see if it is?

“Parker.” Sarah comes up the stairs.

“How’d she die?” Sarah looks shocked by the question. “I need to know.”

“She had some sort of cardiac event. They said it would’ve been quick and painless.”

“Is any death really painless? It feels like an oxymoron.” She just looks at me, trying to find a response. “Okay.” I just walk past her down the stairs.

When I get down to the living room I see everyone sitting on the couch, chair, and floor with a large assortment of pillows, blankets, and snacks of every kind. They all just smile. It looks weird to me. Like a scene in an old black and white comedy show. 

“Hey.” John B grabs his laptop. “We’re just discussing what we’re going to watch.”

“We were thinking about doing a marathon of maybe the MCU or Harry Potter.” Pope looks excited.

“Or we could just do a genre marathon. Aka Action, Rom-Com, Comedy, Drama, etc.” Taylor mouths “hi” to me.

“Your choice,” JJ says, moving a pillow on the couch, clearing a space between him and Kiara on the couch.

“Horror.” I take a seat and I can see everyone slightly move their eyes to each other.

“Oh. Okay. That’s actually a great idea. They’ll keep us awake.” John B is quite good at faking enthusiasm. “Any suggestions?”

“Nightmare on Elm Street,” I say before anyone else can.

“Sounds good.” John B starts typing on his laptop.

“Very on the nose.” Kiara looks to me.

“Yeah…” I just grab a pillow and wrap my arms around it. 

Time seems to pass slowly. Movie after movie passes like it’s in slow motion. I find myself looking around every few minutes. Watching everyone else. Checking to see if they’re looking at me. They are. A lot.

Eventually, we stop to have lunch. John B and JJ go out to grab an assortment of Chinese food, pizza, and Mexican. When they get back there is mention of playing a game. But I quickly nixed that idea. So we continued movies. Movie after movie. Laughing at everyone jumping, screaming, and covering their eyes.

Eventually, the sun goes down. Everyone is starting to get tired, but they’re pushing through. I weirdly feel nothing. I know I should, but nothing. 

“I’ll be back.” I suddenly feel the urge to move around.

Everyone turns to me, the movie is paused, and I just walk upstairs. I reach the top of the stairs when I hear some talking and stop.

“Anyone else a little creeped out that he’s been laughing through all these movies?” I hear Taylor whisper.

“It was honestly a little creepy.” John B chimes in.

“Hey. He’s just grieving.” Sarah gets a bit too loud before getting shushed. “It’s just that people, they grieve differently. He’s been through a lot. Probably too much for someone so young.”

“Yeah. True.” Kiara is quiet and sounds sad.

“What if he can’t get through it this time?” John B again.

“He has to.” JJ finally speaks up. “And we’re going to make sure he does.” I hear him get up and start walking towards the stairs.

I quickly and quietly walk to my room and silently close the door. I go straight to my bed and just sit on it. Within 30 seconds I hear a knock.

“Hey. It’s JJ. Can I come in?” 

“Yeah.” He opens the door and steps in.

“How are…”

“No. Don’t finish that sentence. If I hear it one more time I will break something.” He just closes his mouth and sits on the bed next to me.

“Then what do you wanna talk about?”

“I don’t really wanna talk.” I place my hand on his leg and move in, my lips touching his.

“Parker.” He tries to speak but I just push him down on the bed and kiss him more.

“I’ve been wondering what you taste like.” I start moving down his body, running my hands up his shirt.

“Stop it.” JJ pushes me to the side and gets off the bed.

“What?”

“This isn’t right.”

“Wow. Tell me how you really feel.” I stand up and start walking to the door.

“Wait. Parker.”

“No. I understand.” I leave, walking downstairs and straight to the kitchen.

I hear JJ running down the stairs and someone asking what happened. Then JJ walks in.

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Just fuck off.” I reach to the top shelf above the stove and grab the bottle of vodka Grams kept for when her friends came over.

“You shouldn’t be drinking.”

“Oh my god, can you just shut up?” I open the bottle and take a very large chug, the others quickly filing into the kitchen. “Oh lord. Now the entire Scooby gang is here. Anyone want a drink?” 

“Parker.” Sarah begins.

“No. Don’t say my name that way. That pity.That patronization. My god, I feel like I’m in goddamn kindergarten.” I take another drink.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” Sarah steps closer to me.

“No.” I step away.

I can feel my heart racing. I can feel my blood boiling. I know the anger in me is building up. It’s ready to explode. But then I remember. I look at all of their faces and remember the time on the boat. It all starts coming back to me. Hitting me. I remember their faces. Their fear. Then how I felt. How much I hated myself afterward.

So I breathe. I just breathe. In through the nose. Out the mouth. Over and over. 

“Sorry.” I put the bottle down. “I’m sorry.” I walk through everyone and out the front door.

“Parker.” I turn and JJ is standing in front of everyone else. “It’s okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We understand.” Sarah walks down the stairs and up to me. “Now how ‘bout we go back in and watch something a little more light-hearted.”

“That sounds good. How about Mamma Mia?”

“Perfect.” She grabs my hand and we all walk in together.

The next day, after no sleep and way too much drama, everyone goes home and to sleep. Sarah decides to stay with me and go to the hospital for my checkup. When we arrive Sarah waits in the waiting room while I go in with the doctor. 

“Parker…” She says as I sit down. “Yesterday we took a scan of your brain to check for a concussion.”

“Yeah.” She just gives me this weird look. “What? I have a very bad concussion?”

“No. We found something. Something worse.”


End file.
